


I Miss You

by into_the_fire



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, Sad Ianto Jones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/into_the_fire/pseuds/into_the_fire
Summary: Jack is gone and Ianto is left alone with his thoughts about the situation. Set between 1x13 and 2x1.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for Torchwood so apologies if its bad! I tried to capture Ianto's thoughts when Jack leaves at the end of S1.

I miss you Jack.

Sometimes I miss you so much I can’t handle it. You’d probably laugh if you seen me, crying in your office, holding your things and hoping if I wish hard enough, this will all turn out to be a nightmare. I’ve only just gotten used to pouring one less cup of coffee in the morning; and sometimes I still get enough takeaway for five. The others have probably watched me – actually, I know they have. I’ve caught their pitying stares and heard them whisper when they think I’m too far away to hear. I suppose they’re too scared to ask me questions. It’s like Lisa all over again.

Lisa – Oh God. I feel so bad Jack. Every day I spend thinking about you I’m losing a part of her. Am I losing you too? I don’t know where you are, or if you’re safe. That’s worse, Jack, because I can grieve for Lisa. I grieved for you too when we thought you were dead. Then you came back, and it felt like the world got a little bit brighter. That didn’t last long though. Why didn’t you stay? I had you back. _Please come home._

You’re in my dreams and my nightmares. Every possible situation you could have been in has crossed my mind and I hope they’re all wrong. I think the biggest nightmare of all though, Jack, is the one where you die and I’m not there to hold you until you come back. I know how scared you are when you wake up, I don’t care how many times you’ve died and returned, I never want you to be alone in that moment. I want you to take your first breath knowing it’s safe, and that people care about you. _I care about you._

Do you care about me? Owen’s right, I am just the 'part time shag', aren’t I. If I was more to you than just a bit of fun, you wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye. You would have given me an explanation. I’m being selfish, I know. It’s not just me, the others need you too, everybody’s lost without you. I think I need you the most though, and I didn’t even realise it until it was too late. All sorts of thoughts run through my head and I don’t know what to make of them. I don’t want to give up on you, but it’s so hard to hold on to the idea that you will come back. It’s been months now, and I should be moving on but I _just can’t_. I was moving on from Lisa, I got better. _You helped me get better_. Why can’t I let you go? Everyone else is adapting; Gwen has stepped up as leader, Owen’s put more time in, and Tosh works harder than ever. I just… drift. I hate feeling like this.

I suppose when I think about it, you did this to me Jack. You killed Lisa. Then you kissed me in front of the whole team and left me to pick up the pieces, to answer all the questions. I’m so fucking alone now and it’s your fault. I was starting to be valued in the team… Look at me now, back to being the stupid teaboy. Owen hates me, and I’m sure Gwen and Tosh just feel sorry for me. I still go out into the field and pull my weight, but it’s not the same. I just feel so lost without you. I should hate you. You should be toxic to me and yet _I can’t stop forgiving you for everything you’ve ever done to hurt me._ I’m so confused; one minute I resent you for abandoning us, and the next I’m staring at the door to the tourist office, hoping you will walk through it. One thing is constant though. No matter what I think about you, I just want you here with me. All the other stuff doesn’t matter, I don’t care what I am to you. Please, just come back. I miss you Jack.


End file.
